Tackling for the wrong ball

On Sunday 21st March 2010 Wigan Warriors played Castleford Tigers at The Jungle. This match saw the meeting of my two favourite league boys, Lee Mossop and Joe Westerman. I really hoped they would play nice, they need to get on when we all live together in Australia, when they're playing for the Dragons once Matt Cooper has retired from footy and is doing full time topless swimwear modelling.


So, I wasn't able to make it to The Jungle, but I kept updated of the score and I was delighted that my Warriors won. Afterwards I stumbled upon the amazing photos of Gary Coyle and to my horror I found this:

pictures featured with permission of Gary

That's right, Joe has grabbed Lee's man jewels!!! What is he thinking!! On the plus side, they're holding hands like the bff's they need to be. Look at the pain on Lee's face, I feel for him. But, it gets worse:

DUDE IS DOING A REACH-AROUND!! Seriously, I totally can see how anyone would want a sly grab at Mossops junk but the boy is too pretty to ruin his babymaking chances. I might send him some protective ball-wear for his next match. We gotta protect those swimmers to preserve the future of the next generation of hot league players.

Another thing I noticed was Westerman's new hair cut. I loved his shaved head, and now he has some crazy half and half going on. I reckon Terry said,

"Joe, we're gonna divide your head into sections and for every goal you make we shave, for each one you miss we leave."

Looks like Joe should spend a bit more time practicing those kicks.

You can find all of Gary's photos here: http://www.gcsportsphotos.co.uk

Give me the Secrets, kthxbi

Team UK were horrified to discover Pedro de la Cheatbag is chairman of the GPDA! Srs how did he get this title back?

So we're not saying that PDLC was behind Stepneygate but we know he was involved, exchanging emails with scumlonso about the Secrets. Team UK can't understand why someone who was involved in such a controversy could be given the responsibility of chairing the GPDA. He's tainted goods as far as we're concerned. DO NOT LIKE.

with this disguise, no one will realise it was me who took the Secrets

We also understand Scwhocaresmacher may not rejoin the GPDA. Lets be honest, he's not always been overly bothered about the safety of other drivers. Also, we don't care.

A big story that brought the lolz today was Lotus targeting Sauber and STR and Mikey G putting 2 fingers up at the 'establishment' for their doubts pre season. OMG really Mikey? Struth, given the pace of the new teams, even Stephen Hawkins would be classed as a mid-field runner.

Tell you what, come back when your boys Starsky and Toby manage to finish a race unlapped and then we'll talk about my baby STR's.

choo choo all aboard the Trulli train

So Mikey, bring on Melbourne and show us what you can do.

Bahrain GP wasn't great, but don't blame the new rules just yet

Bernie Ecclestone and Dr Emmett Brown must surely be the same person. They both think refueling is a thing of the past. Where the Doc had a Mr. Fusion powered by trash, Bernie has introduced trash powered by 180kg tanks of fuel. One has a vision of the future, one is totally insane.

We are only one race into the season and every F1 commentator appears to be telling us that yes, it was a dull race - but wait, it will get better. Or yes, it was a dull race, lets PANIC and change the rules NOW.

In reality, Bahrain was never going to be a drama packed race. It was perfect conditions for a high speed procession with zero action. It was blisteringly hot. Combined with the hot air from following too close for too long, then any attempt to overtake and you risk cooking an engine. It's a long season and engines need to be preserved. Even if they risked trashing an engine and drove close and aggressively, the circuit layout would destroy their tires in a few laps. No team wanted to risk two pits stops in case no one else did and the time lost from pitting would be more than that gained changing tires. Instead, they all drove safely hoping to get to the end without breaking down. I suspect some of the mid runners might have gambled on one or two of the leaders either breaking down or forcing themselves into a tire pit by a couple of scraps. Perhaps if Vettel didn't have engine problems, this might have happened towards the end, but even then they would have been so far ahead of the pack to not make any difference.

It was not a good race for F1 fans, but I blame the circuit conditions as much as the new rules. Australia will be cooler, perhaps even wet. It will be a totally different race. I think it's best to reserve judgement on the rule changes until the fly aways are over and we come back to Europe with a clear picture of the issues.

Sweatpants saturday

I love saturday, its my proper day off on my own where I can just sit in my sweatpants and watch crap on tv and relax. This saturday was slightly different. I actually set my alarm today because today was the first qualifying session of the F1 season!!

I was still in my sweatpants but I put my brand new Wigan Warriors shirt on (swoon, totally in love with it) and I sat down to watch quali.

I wasn't sure what to expect from quali, testing times don't really say much for actual race pace and I was wondering who would come out on top, of course I wanted my babies RBR and FIF1 to do well but pole position was potentially anyones for the taking.

One thing I was looking forward to was how well the new teams would do and kind of hoping Mike Gascoyne would do so badly, the fail boat would have to change route to come and pick him up. I was pleased to see Heikki's new hair cut that makes him look like he's in a 70's cop show, much better than that Terminator look he had going on last year.

Detective Heikki wondering where the secrets went

No real surprise, the new teams didn't do well but I wasn't expecting the lovely Alguersuari to go out in Q1, he was nearly 1second slower than Petrov, the Russian spy driver in the Renault. Q2 also brought no real shockers, de la Rosa plonked himself between a Williams and a Toro Rosso, probably trying to negotiate swapping some top secret F1 secrets, I heard he does that kinda thing.

Secrets? I have no secrets.

I was very very pleased to see Adrian 'Fierce' Sutil get into Q3 and he was putting some good times on the board but Q3 rules now mean you have to start the race on the tyres that you set your fastest lap and well in q3 he just wasn't fast, at all. Interestingly, he was the only one to do q3 on the hard tyre, the rest all on softs which aren't lasting long, so he could have that advantage.

Which tyres should I pick today?

He who we will not name qualified in 7th. I really can't stand him. He's a dirty cheater and I hope he gets merked by all the rookies. Whenever I see his face I always think of the South Park episode with Mel Gibson and it brings the lolz.


Vettel got pole, so Horner will be happy and if he's happy i'm happy. I heart you Christian Horner you dream boat.

Dreamboat Hornbag

As you can see from Carlos' post, we booked our Silverstone tickets and I can't wait. Only disappointing thing is i'll miss the Wigan match but I don't know if its on Sky Sports.

Talking about Wigan, my boys won last night beating Hull 48-24. I reckon Lee Mossop took his top off and wowed them all with his Adonis like body and they were so distracted they couldn't play. No? Oh maybe thats just in my head!

Cas actually won a game tonight! They managed to get a 16-20 against Catalans Dragons with the lovely Joe Westerman converting 2. I heart you Joe.


To round up another sports filled blog (you wouldn't think im a girl if it wasn't for the pervy comments), I went to the gym today in my Boro shirt. Whats wrong with this you say? Today Boro were playing Newcastle and I live in Newcastle. What can I say, I like the jeopardy.

Confirmation...

.. of four days of Fart Filled Tents, Poo filled Portaloos, Beer, Burgers, Not a lot of sleep, the Smell of Race Fuel, Overpriced Merchandise, a World Cup Final, lots and lots of people..

And of course, our Shared Love:

Formula One.

Roll on July!

A day of fail

Today is my last day of being 24 because tomorrow is my birthday. Today also happened to be the biggest day of fail.

Toiletgate

This morning I was told at work that the handle on the ladies toilet door was a bit dodgy, so we laughed and joked about how if you got locked in it would be ok, you could pee, drink from the tap and keep warm under the hand dryer.


Sooo...here's me half an hour later going to the toilet, closed and locked the door (its an actual room with a full door) and after i've finished up I go to open the door and you can probably guess. It didn't open!!! Here's me after joking, finding myself trapped in the toilet so I start to panic and start hammering on the door with my fists and then actually trying to kick the door down but nothing worked! All I could think was, 'what if they can't hear me, what if they can't even open the door.'

Luckily after a minute someone came and opened the door and then for the next hour everyone kept laughing at me for being locked in the bog!

The rest of the day went ok, I had my gym induction and crikey i've gotten unfit since I did the GNR last year. Then I went to the Metro Centre to meet people and have a browse.

Cakegate

With tomorrow being my birthday we have a buy your own policy at work on cakes. My favourite is the chocolate one from Marks and Spencers.

I bought them at the start of the shopping trip and then continued. When we were about to leave and go our separate ways at the end of the evening, when all the shops had closed, I suddenly realised I forgot the cakes!! I ran back as fast as I could and the bloody shop had the shutters down, so after perfecting my hammering technique earlier in the day, I started banging on the shutters and grabbed someones attention. After some loud mouthing 'I left my bag' she finally opened the shutters and hesitantly let me in.

I then had to persuade her to let me check the departments i'd been in while she kept whinging about how I shouldn't be in the store and it had closed. Luckily they had been taken to customer services so I was reunited with my chocolate cake goodness.

So after that drama I kept thinking what is going to go wrong next, I get in my car and it takes 3 attempts for it to turn over and start. All I could think was omg am I going to get home in one piece? serious?

I'm home now thankfully so roll on midnight and being 25. Hopefully this age will bring me less fail and more win, starting with British GP tickets and a Wigan Warriors shirt.

Oh and not wanting to miss anything out, Wigan beat Dragons 58 - 0 and Cas lost :(

Work, Family, and Failing at the Internet

Hi, I'm the Wirral Squirrel, purveyor of all things Poo related.

I was intending to keep an F1 Theme to any post I may add to the blog, but right now I think this is more of an appropriate subject matter.

My Father In Law (to be, as I'm not actually married.. Yes I can hear you Harpo)

He's a Cock. A Stubborn Cock at that.

See, I have my angry head on, and the aforementioned old duffer is the cause of said angry head. He has some software that he Invented, and it is rather good. It stops Farmers from losing all of their money and putting their shotgun in their mouth and pulling the trigger. Anyway, being one to help others in need (especially family) He asked me to help him build a website, and I stupidly agreed, despite not really having built one. Ever. Remember, this little gem of an invention could be left to us in his Will one day, so I was just thinking about looking after the inheritance!

From Day One, I knew that it was going to be a bad idea though. I offered suggestions as to the direction of the site only to be met with some piss poor mockups he'd created and a demand for "I want this" . So I attempted to recreate what he wanted, despite the fact I knew that the site which we were giving birth to was a Dead Cert to Fail.Massively.

I then set up Google Analytics, and waited. I could see my theory slowly becoming reality..

First he decided he wanted a "sale" as his software wasn't selling. I did that.

Then he really started stressing as he couldn't fathom why farmers "STILL didn't want to buy it"

So I told him today, via email His Website is CRAP. By sheer coincidence, they were coming up to visit other relatives this evening, and popped in to see us. Our discussion quickly turned into a "heated discussion" and ended abruptly with him storming out of our house. He simply can't accept what I am telling him. Being over 40 years his Junior, he obviously thinks I know jack-shit.

I know a little. Actually I know more thanks to my man Harvo, who says I fail at making the Internet. And it is so True. I do Poo, that's my thing.

The moral of this Story: Never work with your family. Just hand them the shotgun and let them play "Sad Farmer" on their own.

And yes, I was going to add some LOLPics. But I failed at that too. I need to go to HTML Special School or something....